What Hurts the Most
by rukia4ichigo
Summary: Sequel of Kiss the Rain. After recovering from hypothermia after that night, Ichigo still tries to cope with his loss. Isshin tries to help him, but will that work? Based on the song of the same name by Rascal Flatts. IchiRuki


**What Hurts The Most**

Hey everyone, this is the sequel to a one-shot of mine by the name of Kiss the Rain. I had people asking me what would happen next, and so after a bit of thought this is what I come up with. I hope you enjoy this story.

_**Disclaimer: **_I don't own Bleach unfortunately; Kubo Tite owns that. I don't own the song either since it is owned by Rascal Flatts.

* * *

"Where did you find him dad?"

"Urahara Kisuke brought him over. He found him lying unconscious just around the corner from his shop, and he was freezing cold. It's a good thing that he is alive right now and he will be okay. He just has a bit of hypothermia."

Karin folded her arms sternly. "What idiot would go outside in the pouring rain so late at night? He's lucky to be alive!"

Yuzu's eyes widened as she stared at her sister. "Karin-chan, he's been through some really harsh ordeals. Please put him in consideration."

Isshin stared at his unconscious son buried under several warm and thick blankets and sighed. His loss of Rukia must have torn him apart a lot worse than he had expected. Knowing Ichigo, he knew that he did not want to be saved.

"Stop thinking that it's your fault," Isshin muttered. "You have to understand that bad things happen no matter how you look at it. It's hard, I know, but if Rukia or your mother were still alive right now, I know that they would say the same thing that I am telling you right now. They don't want you to beat yourself up like this."

He then turned to his daughters. "Let's let him rest for now."

"Okay, daddy," Yuzu replied and Karin stared at her brother with worried eyes, sighing. She followed her sister and father out of her brother's room, letting him rest.

* * *

_A slight movement brought the substitute shinigami back to reality. "Rukia?" Said shinigami opened her eyes slightly to see the pained expression of her saviour. "I…Ichigo," she managed to stammer but Ichigo gently hushed her. "You will zap your strength."_

"_No, I must tell you what I need to say. Please listen."_

_Ichigo was about to pick her up carefully, but Rukia stopped him. "Ichigo, listen to me please. I don't have a lot of time left."_

"_I'm not going to let you die!" Ichigo snapped as a couple of tears dripped down from his eyes. "You're everything to me, Rukia!"_

_It had pained Rukia to see her friend this way, but she knew it was her time. "Ichigo, someone once told me that you must not die alone, not if your nakama had left their heart to you."_

_Ichigo was confused. Had she lost it? What was she saying?_

_Rukia continued. "Heart is the bond between two nakama. You are the most special to me for we have an inseparable bond. Because of all of this, Ichigo, I'm leaving my heart…to you."_

_It was starting to make sense, but Ichigo could not bear to lose her, not now, not ever. He continued to shed tears as he held her tightly. "Don't leave me," he whispered as he shut his eyes as tightly as he could, trying to fight off the remaining tears that were still fighting to spill from his amber eyes._

"_And one more thing, Ichigo…never…forget the love that I have for you. I'm…sorry…that I…had never…told you sooner." Rukia's eyes started to close as the darkness was slowly starting to pull her in, and her voice became softer and more tired. "I…love…you, Ichigo."_

_Sensing this, Ichigo's snapped open. He could not believe this was happening! "Rukia! I love you too. Please don't go!" But her eyes were closed…forever. "No…" Ichigo still could not believe it, but it had happened – he had lost her. He held her as tight as he could against herself, finally letting the tears flow down his cheeks._

"DON'T LEAVE ME, RUKIA!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ichigo screamed as he awoke from his bed, panting and sweating. He felt a slight wetness near his eyes as he scowled. "Dammit."

Then the thought hit him. The first thing he remembered was he was outside, taking a walk through the pouring rain. He saw something that he could not explain, and then he collapsed on the ground. He could have been dead right now, but who saved him?

"Who's the idiot who saved me?" Ichigo mumbled. "I don't deserve to be alive; I failed to protect the one person who meant the world to me." He covered his face in tight fists. "Why should I continue to be alive in this world? Why do people insist I stay in this world when all I ever do is fail to live up to what I had promised myself?"

He sighed as he looked out his window. It was raining…again. How convenient. It was almost as if the sky was also mourning Rukia's passing.

She had stopped the rain in his heart with her presence, but when she died that fateful day, the rain began once again but harder than ever. He could not stop thinking about her; he had loved her with all of his heart and she was his special nakama. Now she's gone…and he has nothing left.

Ichigo looked around his room, searching for a certain object that lay against his dresser. His eyes rested on the guitar that he had not played in so long and softened as he managed to get out of bed to pick the instrument up.

Sitting back on his bed, Ichigo placed the instrument on his lap and tuned it accordingly.

It felt kind of strange to be playing the guitar again after several years of not playing it. Ever since his mother passed away, he did not feel the need to play it anymore because it was she who inspired him to take guitar lessons. He was a natural at it, and it used to give him so much happiness just by playing it.

Strumming through the strings, Ichigo looked out the window once again and started to play a few notes to a certain song before he started singing.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me  
What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

As he played the bridge, his heart opened up as he sang from it.

_What hurts the most was being  
so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

Just before he got into the coda of the song, he strummed the notes softly as he softened his voice. Several unconscious tears fell from his eyes.

_I'm saying that loving you  
That's what I was tryin' to do_

He finished the song beautifully and wiped away the stubborn tears that fell from his eyes as he gently placed the guitar back in its position. He did not realize that his father was standing in his doorway before the song ended until this point.

"Listening to you sing and play that guitar brings back fond memories," Isshin commented as he smiled sadly.

Ichigo sighed. "Yea well…I can't sleep."

"I bet…with you being unconscious all day. I heard you yelling not too long ago; at least now I know that you are okay."

"Sorry…" Ichigo sighed as he sat on his bed.

"What are you sorry about, son? You think I don't know whether or not you have those nightmares of yours? We're all worried about you. Can't you please talk to us?"

Ichigo scowled. "Why?"

Isshin matched his son's scowl. "Because we are worried about you and it really helps to talk to us once in a while."

"Talking to you won't bring Rukia back," Ichigo snapped.

"I understand how you are feeling, and I'm really sorry that she has passed on, but you must understand that you are stronger than this. If Rukia or even your _mother_ were alive right now…"

"Stop!" Ichigo interrupted. "Don't you _dare_ bring that up!"

"Ichigo…"

"I'm sick and tired of how people are saying that it wasn't my fault when it was! I couldn't protect mom and I couldn't protect Rukia!" More tears ran down Ichigo's cheeks as he tried to hide his emotions. "Please! Blame me for once!"

Isshin sighed heavily. "I can't do that. It wasn't your fault. Renji had told me that you had your hands full when she was killed. There was nothing that you could do. Everyone's hands were full with the enemy. That's the way war works. You try to protect your honour and at the same time try to protect those around you, but at the same time, if you are killed protecting something then at least you died with honour. Rukia died with honour. She wants you to be happy in your life and think of the positive memories that you two had together. It's hard, son. I've lost so many friends the same way. You have to be strong and not beat yourself up like this. Just think about that. Good night, Ichigo." He stepped out of the room to return to his bedroom.

Ichigo watched him leave and sighed once again as he tucked himself back into bed. "I don't know anymore," he muttered, "I still wish that I could have done something – _anything_ – to prevent Rukia's death from happening. I miss her so much." His eyes slowly closed as he drifted off to sleep.

He found himself on Soukyouku Hill, clad in his shinigami garments and sword attached to his back. _This is a different dream_, he thought to himself as he looked around his surroundings.

"Ichigo," a familiar voice startled him, causing him to turn around to face the source of the voice. His eyes widened as he saw who was standing behind him. "Rukia!"

She was there alright, clad in her usual shinigami garments with her sword placed in a sheath beside her right hip. A scowl showed on her face as her violet eyes bore into Ichigo's shocked amber ones.

She marched towards him and punched him square in the jaw. Ichigo bent over from the impact and rubbed his bruised jaw. "What the hell?!" he shouted. "What the hell was that for?!"

"You bakamono!" she shrieked. "I am _very_ disappointed in you! How could you beat yourself up because of what happened?! Why the hell did I even give my heart to you in the first place?! Did _you_ even forget _that_?!"

Ichigo remembered what happened that day in Hueco Mundo – what she said before she died. He was still puzzled by the whole thing, and he did not know precisely what she meant.

"I never knew what you meant," he trailed off and her eyes narrowed.

"I _told_ you that heart is the bond between two nakama, Ichigo! Do you _ever_ listen to me?! I left my heart to you because you were worth it and so that you would remember me in a positive light! I didn't give my heart to you so that you would become so depressed and think about killing yourself!"

Ichigo stared at her and remembered what his father had said shortly before he fell asleep. Was this what she had meant? Had he been so wrapped up in himself that he never took a moment to ponder how she really meant to him and how much she wanted him to be happy in his life?

"I still wish that I could have done something to prevent your death," he replied softly.

Rukia sighed. "Ichigo, there was _nothing_ you would have done. You had your hands full with those arrancar that were surrounding you. I wanted to help you, but Gin Ichimaru got in the way." Ichigo clenched his teeth as he remembered that sick, sadistic bastard that ran her through. "I _do_ appreciate the revenge though," she smiled.

Then she frowned sadly once again. "I know that things have been hard for you after the war ended, but you must understand that my presence will _always_ be with you no matter where you go or what you do. I will _always_ be with you in spirit. This was what I meant when I said I would leave my heart to you. Please Ichigo, please be happy."

Ichigo's eyes softened as he held her close to him. "I never got the chance to say how much I loved you, Rukia. You are right, and I am sorry. I was too wrapped up in myself and my pain to even think that you were there with me all along. For that, I'm sorry."

Rukia smiled as she held him tightly. "I know. If only you knew how much you meant to me as well. When you were starting to feel sad and depressed because of my passing, I just wanted to hold you close like I am holding you right now. I'll always be with you, Ichigo. If you ever feel that you're alone, look deep inside your heart and you will find me there."

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah. I'll do that, Rukia. I love you."

Rukia smiled up to him – a light of love shining in her eyes. "I love you too, Ichigo. Take care of yourself."

Ichigo's lips curled into a smile. "I will."

Then, an unforgettable thing happened, their lips brushed against each other for a kiss. The rain within Ichigo's heart stopped as rays of sun broke through the clouds.

That was when the dream had ended and Ichigo awoke from his sleep. Like the sun shining in his heart, rays of sunlight shone through his window and Ichigo smiled warmly.

He could feel everything from that dream – Rukia's soft caressing lips against his own, her soft violet eyes that sparkled with affection, her beautiful smile. He will remember it all, and they will keep him holding on for the rest of his life.

* * *

Well everyone, that is that. I hope you enjoyed reading this story and I will have the next chapters of Incomplete Sorrows up as soon as I can. I am actually quite happy with the way that this story had turned out since I had just thought of it in short notice. However, of course you guys got to be the judges of how good this story really is. So, let me know what you think!

Take care!


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